Dear Tessie,

I'm coming up from Sacramento next weekend to stay in an AirBnB. Given everything that I've seen in the national news about $1,000 fines and neighbors' feelings about vacation home rentals, I'm worried that I'm going to get egged for being a tourist in South Lake Tahoe. Any tips for not angering 40-year locals while on vacation?


Here For A Good Time

You've come to the right gal. My threshold for annoyance is very low, so I've got a number of suggestions for how to fly under the radar and avoid leaving South Lake Tahoe feeling like you had a late-night losing streak at the blackjack table.

First off, drive 15 mph down U.S. 50. Us locals love it when we see you snapping photos of the lake with your selfie stick out the window of your Chrysler Pacifica while getting lapped by pedestrians on the sidewalk. We don't have jobs to get to. Take your time!

When you arrive at your vacation home rental, make sure to go around asking all of your neighbors if you can park in their extra space since you didn't read the rental agreement and are just now learning that you can't park on the street. It's not like we haven't already been asked that question six times this week by other renters who came through.

Plus, we definitely don't have four more roommates coming home who need to park there since we can't afford to live without six people to a house.

Also, screw the occupancy limit! This is America. Ain't nobody gonna tell you how many friends you can have over for beer pong. I'm sure the neighboring houses are just waiting for an invite when they're peering out their windows — not preparing to call the vacation home rental po-po.

When you get to Safeway to stock up for the weekend with two grocery carts filled with Natty Ice, boxed wine and Fireball, make sure to loudly complain about how long the lines are. It's not like we are also in line trying to buy a gallon of milk really quickly on our way home.

And when you go on what you believe to be a short hike to Eagle Falls in Emerald Bay, please drag up pool floaties and do it in flip-flops. Our search and rescue teams have way too much time on their hands.

With this carefully curated advice, your weekend should be smooth sailing! You're welcome.

Tahoe Tessie is a humorous take on the standard advice column. It is produced by the Tribune staff, and it is not meant to be taken literally. Have a question you want to ask Tessie? Send it to